Great kinetic novel. Played through this the other day. Really enjoyed it. The writing and general feel is gripping and otherworldly. I felt there is a cerebral feeling to the prose and a fragile feeling to the presentation, which added to the overall vibe.
The art and music are a great fit. As is all of the use of timings, typography, formatting. I guess it was made for a 1 asset type jam. Perhaps the limitations of the format have been somewhat influential in the fragile feeling I mentioned earlier. Either way it's a great experience. Oh and there are airships +1 for airships. Loved the weird steampunk magical material, allusions to body horror & long forgotten rituals.
(Not sure if/why the last couple of sentences are in bold, I tried to turn them back to normal weight but it has not seemed to work)
Thank you so much for playing, Sleepy Agents!
I’m really glad you enjoyed the atmosphere, writing and presentation!
And yes, this was on O2A2 visual novel, so 1 background, 1 sprite (I had none), 1 music track, 1 sound effect, and 1000 words of writing tops. (You should consider joining in next year if you can, I feel like it’s a jam you would really enjoy!).
It’s definitely something I couldn’t have managed without such a tight constraint; I wouldn’t have been able to pack in so much tone, imagery and worldbuilding through the fairytale-like storytelling otherwise.
Disclaimer:
The information provided on this review is for general informational purposes only.
All information on the review is provided in good faith, however I make no representation
or warranty of any kind, express or implied, regarding the accuracy, adequacy, validity,
reliability, availability or completeness of any information on the review.
Review
VN review and score (score affects the amount of stars you get in the rating).
purpose: provide constructive criticism to help the developer improve.
Images, videos, backgrounds, characters, drawings, animations, etc.
Good:
Clever usage of asset.
Image complements the narrative.
Use of animations and transitions through all the VN.
Asset is credited.
Neutral:
One background.
Background provided by third parties.
Bad:
Minor (-2.5pts)
N/A
Major (-5pts)
No character sprites. (you were allowed to include at least one)
Severe (-10pts)
N/A
『GUI』 - 17.5/20
Graphic user interface of the VN.
Good:
Original VN beginning.
Dynamic NVL mode, rich text.
Text is legible 100% of the time.
Neutral:
Renpy default skin with minor modifications.
Bad:
Minor (-2.5pts)
Important screens removed, like Credits and About.
Major (-5pts)
N/A
Severe (-10pts)
N/A
『Sound』 - 20/20
Music and sound effects; quality and sound design.
Good:
Clever usage of assets.
HQ Sound.
Sound communicates emotions and complements the narrative.
Assets are credited.
Neutral:
Assets provided by third-parties.
One sound effect.
One song.
Bad:
Minor (-2.5pts)
N/A
Major (-5pts)
N/A
Severe (-10pts)
N/A
『Story』 - 20/20
Spelling, grammar and syntax’s correctness, also, narrative flow and consistency.
Good:
Clever and authentic narrative flow.
Complex history in just 1000 words.
Consistent story.
Outstanding writing.
Complex vocabulary.
A meaning can be inferred, not just a sequence of events.
The meaning is hidden in the small details.
Neutral:
N/A
Bad:
Minor (-2.5pts)
N/A
Major (-5pts)
N/A
Severe (-10pts)
N/A
『Setting』 - 20/20
Originality, ideas and worldbuilding in VN.
Good:
Reality combined with Fantasy.
Historical Fiction.
Neutral:
XVI Century.
Bad:
Minor (-2.5pts)
N/A.
Major (-5pts)
N/A
Severe (-10pts)
N/A
『Gameplay』 - 20/20
About interactivity, e.g: kinetic, with choices, or higher.
Good:
Clever usage of NVL mode.
Neutral:
Kinetic Novel.
NVL mode only.
Bad:
Minor (-2.5pts)
N/A
Major (-5pts)
N/A
Severe (-10pts)
N/A
『Programming』 - 15/20
Builds released, correct VN execution, bugs, crashes, etc.
Good:
No bugs.
No crashes.
Uploaded builds for most supported operative systems.
Descriptive filenames.
Neutral:
Plain text scripts present on the game files
Assets were not compressed in a RPA file.
Bad:
Minor (-2.5pts)
N/A
Major (-5pts)
No android version.
Severe (-10pts)
N/A
『Promotion』 - 20/20
About the thumbnail, title, game page, metadata, tags, description, screenshots, etc.
Good:
Title: Rare, but it’s a hint to understand the story.
Description: Use of HTML. Informative and accurate.
Thumbnail: Eye-catching image.
Metadata: Filled all important info, updated.
Tags: Multiple accurate tags, game is easy to find.
Screenshots: Multiple game related images uploaded, people can judge before downloading.
Neutral:
Thumbnail: Can be animated.
Tags: Would add “Renpy” and “vn”.
Bad:
Minor (-2.5pts)
N/A
Major (-5pts)
N/A
Severe (-10pts)
N/A
『Personal Opinion』 - 10/10
Is fun/cute/interesting/scary/etc? Did I like it? (subjective)
It was an interesting story.
I had fun deciphering this one.
Walkthrough / Summary
if kinetic: you get a summary.
purpose: provide insight about what people understood from the VN.
else: how to get all the endings, along with a brief text about how I played the VN.
purpose: provide insight about how people play the VN.
An airborne ship reaches a mountain.
Two girls get off, a captain and a bride, and begin the ascent to the ancient temple in the mountain.
They will pray for good fortune, but the Captain is greedy and feels nothing else.
That’s why the prayer didn’t work, something went wrong.
The Captain doesn’t know what happened, but for the bride everything was clear.
The dark god did not listen, and he has spoken. Revenge is what the two of them seek.
Will the priestess respond to his call? Or will she live with the remorse of having betrayed all his beliefs, his people, and his land?
This is a VN where the big story is hidden in the small details.
Analysis
on what I interpreted, learnt, and thought after playing this VN. (highly subjective)
purpose: improve story clarity and reduce risk of misinterpretation.
A story so short and so deep that most of its meaning is behind obscure symbols and words.
I had to try harder to understand this one, here’s my attempt:
About Ségou
Apparently, this is a French word for some African tribe.
That a dangerous mountain has to be climbed to pray to a dark god, reminds me of the rituals and human sacrifices of the ancient religions of the native peoples.
From here, I understood what all of this was about: the Era of the French Colonial Empire.
About Mogho Nabaa
Another word related to an African tribe colonized by the French.
This means the ruler of everything, the king of the empire.
About Mossi
Yet another African word that means “Agricultural People of Africa”, this is the way to reveal Ellie’s past: just an innocent citizen.
About The Nameless One
Ruler of Life, and later Ruler of Death…
It’s a fancy way of saying that all the people and land that worshiped him is now destroyed, by none other than the people in the air fleet.
Both he and Ellie seek revenge, because Ellie had faith in him, she was the priestess of this god’s temple.
About the Wind
It’s curious that The Nameless One talks to Ellie before she even enters the temple.
He talked to her while she was having a hard time climbing the mountain.
That makes me think… Is this the way to say that he already know her?.
Or maybe… there is no god? it was just Ellie all along?
“But what she heard, she already knew”
It doesn’t matter, it’s clear that Ellie’s wishes and the dark god’s wishes are the same.
About Syna
The captain of the ship, the butcher captain.
Is told that Ellie “was extracted from nothingness” and was protected by Syna.
The reader must ask: why?
There is a strong possibility that Syna is responsible for that “nothingness”.
It is evident that her air fleet is connected to the war, and Ellie is nothing more than a war prisoner, an slave.
“Followed Syna through a thousand battles” “You know exactly WHO and WHAT is grinded into dust” “if it weren’t for your sewing skills”
Is clear that “butcher” means MURDERER.
About Ellie
The story constantly suggests that the relationship between Syna and Ellie is not consensual.
Ellie is scared, she doesn’t want to climb the mountain, she doesn’t love Syna enough to do it.
She really forced herself to “do her part”, but she couldn’t do it, she couldn’t forgive.
What Ellie really wants is revenge for what Syna did to her home and family.
That’s why the bride becomes the priestess of death, I think Syna is her only target.
“Strike to the Hearth”
About the Azurium
Azurium is a word derived from Azurite, a blue rare-earth that is primarily used for pigments.
Did you choose this color because it was the color that the french army used in the colonial era?
In this VN the Azurium is an important and expensive rare “substance” for the sails and clothing of the army.
Again, it is well known that Europe is scarce in materials, and gets most of it from foreign countries. Nambia (an African country) apparently has loots of Azurite.
This was one of the main reasons (perhaps the only one) that caused the European Colonial Era, a time deeply plagued by wars.
Why would Ellie eat the Azurium?:
I don’t know, but it worked, it forced the captain to take her prisoner. Now she’s near the source of all her misery and soon will avenge all that has been lost.
About the Air Fleet
Airborne ships is just a way to blur the true nature of this story, we need to pay attention.
“Corvett”: I interpret it to be an old French word that is no longer used and means “warship”.
“Sail”: I interpret a boat propelled by the wind.
“His Grace”: I interpret it to be of European origin and was commonly used to refer to a Queen or King, here the era of the monarch is established.
“Sextants”: I interpret it to be a really old artifact from ancient centuries.
An old warship propelled by sails with a tribute to the monarchy, reminds me once again, of the European colonial era.
Comments
Anything goes.
Thanks for sharing this under a libre license!
Obviusly this VN is between the limitations of a game jam, and you did very well on that regard.
I hope my review reflects this limitations, I tried not to be too strict this time.
Overall, Sylvan Disappearance keeps being your best work.
Looking forward for more VNs, you’re very good!
Thank you (once again) for reading & commenting!
I can’t believe you read & commented on my 3 released VNs back to back ahaha, this is really appreciated!!
I’m glad you enjoyed the story & had fun deciphering it! It was also fun reading through your interpretation of the story and its themes!
I’ll only comment on the factual cultural inspirations behind On Mount Ségou, just in case you’re interested! (I would have loved to include in-game ending notes about them as I usually do, but for this specific game jam, it was not allowed, or it had to count towards the 1000 words limit).
The Mogho Naaba is specifically the traditional king of the Mossi Kingdoms, which are now in modern-day Burkina Faso, the Mossi still being the main people of Burkina Faso. There are still living Mogho Naaba (with obviously no major political power in this day and age), for instance in Ouahigouya in Yatenga, but also in the capital, Ouagadougou.
Ségou is a real town in modern-day Mali, but this is pure coincidence. In my case, the real inspiration behind Mount Ségou were rather the Sindou Peaks, way in the Southwest of Burkina Faso (which isn’t really a Mossi region).
You’re 100% right about all the underlying themes behind azurium; the idea & name come from The secret of Cerulean Sand anime series where it plays essentially the same role (an ore extracted by (neo?)-colonial forces to allow flying for their armed forces and society).
Nice writing and use of alignment/font color in NVL mode, as way as the title menu.
At the end I thought I’d have a choice but I guess it’s not that kind of story (or it would be too hard to explain the aftermath of 2 branches in 45 words).
The Next cursor is a document icon, and besides it is when window frame is large enough, so it looked like the image had not finished loading and it was some kind of placeholder (esp. when playing the web version)
Thanks for playing!! Glad you enjoyed the general presentation.
I really wanted it to be a kinetic novel (choiceless) from the start!
The early early plan was even more linear, since I wanted to have a more dialogue-driven story between Ellie and the Nameless One during the ascent on Mount Ségou, with a not-so-clear resolution (as in the true ending)…
but I realised I really really enjoyed the fairy-tale-like framing, that it came more naturally to me, and allowed me to pack in more style, more tone, more atmosphere. So I settled with a normal storytelling first, and then the “true” retelling! I really enjoy this kind of enforced reading order, and couldn’t really envision more choice than this!
(I think I may have considered turning the “true story” retelling into a choice that appears only the second read at the pivotal moment; but I feared people would miss the second read if the main menu didn’t change. I also found it more fitting to have to choose from the start whether you wanted to hear the truth or not. It’s less Ellie’s choice & more the player’s.)
I didn’t realise the document click-to-continue indicator could have been confusing, woops!
It’s completely lifted from the style of 2000s Japanese VNs made with the ONScripter engine, like Higurashi, Tsukihime (example screenshot) or Umineko (example screenshot), which I really love and wanted to emulate given how minimalist this VN is too!
OK, that makes sense. Now that the comment is a bit lower I fear spoiling less:
Actually I was wondering if I was supposed to kill Syna or Her Grace. The mention of the “heart” suggests she must betray someone close, so Syna, but it seems a bigger deal to approach and kill the country’s leader than one of the generals. The former is more dramatic though so it would make sense in terms of storytelling.
I was also unsure if fuel is made out of bodies of ancients priestesses (suggested by “butcher”), because in this case why would Ellie just have “ingested” a little bit of sand and not more? Or can any human just become a good fuel? Looking at FF7 and Tales of games I wouldn’t be surprised that a source of energy comes from life forms but I’m not sure about the link. But I see how making it more explicit would break the atmosphere (it works for a more pragmatic game like Tales of Symphonia where you explore factories and all).
For the document icon, I see how it looks integrated esp. in Tsukihime where it has the same color and style as the text font. Here it stood out more and I know Renpy sometimes uses placeholder or blurry pictures in web so it made me doubt more, I suppose.
I see, thanks for elaborating on the icon, I’ll keep it in mind if I reuse a similar style in the future!
I’ve definitely been wondering whether I was still missing an image at least once or twice when playing a Ren’Py VN online on itch.io too, so I see where you’re coming from! I tend to disable “progressive downloading” on my own Ren’Py web exports for this reason, I prefer all assets to be 100% loaded when the game starts.
You can definitely think of several possibilities for the Nameless One’s command!
As in a lot of places in this story, I leave it all in the hands of your imagination, I hope the style and atmosphere convey just enough otherworldly violence by themselves for you to picture it (though I have my own preferences).
And likewise (even more so) for azurium ahah, I wouldn’t want to make it any more grounded than I did… but I’m glad it struck you, or at least evoked similarly gruesome fantasy/JRPG dark secrets!
wonderful. the way its written.. i really enjoy reading it. i just hammed myself into playing it not knowing whats going on. but the second playthrough made me more curious 🙏😳 the bgm, i really enjoyed with the texts too! absolutely an enjoyable experience (for me)
Ooh, this one is VERY intriguing! I love how what initially feels like a small, personal episode unfolds into a big high-stakes situation. Your blank-verse writing style is very finely crafted. And it feels rather unique, in a good way, to take an airship setting and then give us a story that's not actually on an airship. Overall, this one is going to stick with me.
I’m glad that the setting was intriguing, and that the writing style worked well also!
Said as much in another comment, but the mix between personal story/agency, and broader stakes at another scale is (again) all Le Guin… She was so so good at pulling from both sci-fi & fairy tales, bird’s eye anthropologist view & personal stories.
Wow, this was an amazing entry!! Finally a worthy opponent to what game will
I loved how you used the music and the sounds to actually support the story! Honestly, this is very interesting narrative design and I haven't played any other game relying that much on sound design, and you did it wonderfully, especially considering the restrictions of the jam! The game was also stunning in terms of visuals, and the NVL format was an excellent choice!
The story was also great, very atmospheric, and the conflict of the character we follow was an interesting one. In the end, it had a flavour of prophecy I sincerely enjoyed.
Overall, I was stunned by this game which was nothing short of a MASTERPIECE. My review doesn't really do justice to how much I actually enjoyed this game, you truly did an amazing work with it! You clearly got yourself un admirateur !
Aaaaah, this is far, far too much and way too kind, reading this will just make me faint,,
But thank you so so much! I’m glad you enjoyed this VN as much!
I’m glad the music, NVL format and atmosphere worked well! Audio is definitely my personal favourite part of visual novels, it was fun to be able to use it effectively in a short piece like this!
Also happy to hear the tone of the story itself was good itself, wasn’t super sure it’d be super pleasant to reaed ahaha (it’s all very Le Guin themes, I just amped up the horror/mysticism).
Thank you so much again, it just means a lot to hear a short piece like this could be so affecting!
This was a really atmospheric read! I'm impressed you could cram so much into 1,000 word:s: it felt very dense and rich. There's some very nice language used too!
I love the retro NVL style used (the ctc icon gives big Onscripter/Higurashi & Umineko energy), and the general presentation. The panning effects on the BG and the fog make it very atmospheric. I thought it was especially impressive when you panned the BG on top of itself at multiple transparencies: the effect was very cool.
Nice use of text effects too (changing the color + the position of the text onscreen for more ~drama~), and the single BGM is very evocative!
The second playthrough was also an interesting experience. I didn't read the description so I didn't expect it; it was a nice twist!
I’m glad the atmosphere was effective and that the NVL typographic effects worked well! (And yes, the obvious Higurashi/Umineko/ONScripter inspo in presentation & tricks ahah, Ryukishi07 has a handle on me forever…)
I’ve loved that BGM by Efiel for so long too (2012-2013 maybe), I’m so glad I was able to finally use it in a project where it suited everything!
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Comments
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Really classy and well done, awesome work. Got shivers down my spine at the conclusion.
Ah, thank you so so much!! I’m glad the atmosphere and conclusion worked well for you. 😊
Great kinetic novel. Played through this the other day. Really enjoyed it. The writing and general feel is gripping and otherworldly. I felt there is a cerebral feeling to the prose and a fragile feeling to the presentation, which added to the overall vibe.
The art and music are a great fit. As is all of the use of timings, typography, formatting. I guess it was made for a 1 asset type jam. Perhaps the limitations of the format have been somewhat influential in the fragile feeling I mentioned earlier. Either way it's a great experience. Oh and there are airships +1 for airships. Loved the weird steampunk magical material, allusions to body horror & long forgotten rituals.
(Not sure if/why the last couple of sentences are in bold, I tried to turn them back to normal weight but it has not seemed to work)
Thank you so much for playing, Sleepy Agents! I’m really glad you enjoyed the atmosphere, writing and presentation!
And yes, this was on O2A2 visual novel, so 1 background, 1 sprite (I had none), 1 music track, 1 sound effect, and 1000 words of writing tops. (You should consider joining in next year if you can, I feel like it’s a jam you would really enjoy!).
It’s definitely something I couldn’t have managed without such a tight constraint; I wouldn’t have been able to pack in so much tone, imagery and worldbuilding through the fairytale-like storytelling otherwise.
Full and detailed review of the VN!
+ summary and analysis
SPOILERS BELOW THIS LINE
VN Score: 137.5/150
Applies to version 1.0 [2023/07/29].
Score Breakdown:
『Visuals』 - 15/20
Images, videos, backgrounds, characters, drawings, animations, etc.
『GUI』 - 17.5/20
Graphic user interface of the VN.
『Sound』 - 20/20
Music and sound effects; quality and sound design.
『Story』 - 20/20
Spelling, grammar and syntax’s correctness, also, narrative flow and consistency.
『Setting』 - 20/20
Originality, ideas and worldbuilding in VN.
『Gameplay』 - 20/20
About interactivity, e.g: kinetic, with choices, or higher.
『Programming』 - 15/20
Builds released, correct VN execution, bugs, crashes, etc.
『Promotion』 - 20/20
About the thumbnail, title, game page, metadata, tags, description, screenshots, etc.
『Personal Opinion』 - 10/10
Is fun/cute/interesting/scary/etc? Did I like it? (subjective)
It was an interesting story.
I had fun deciphering this one.
An airborne ship reaches a mountain.
Two girls get off, a captain and a bride, and begin the ascent to the ancient temple in the mountain.
They will pray for good fortune, but the Captain is greedy and feels nothing else.
That’s why the prayer didn’t work, something went wrong.
The Captain doesn’t know what happened, but for the bride everything was clear.
The dark god did not listen, and he has spoken. Revenge is what the two of them seek.
Will the priestess respond to his call? Or will she live with the remorse of having betrayed all his beliefs, his people, and his land?
This is a VN where the big story is hidden in the small details.
A story so short and so deep that most of its meaning is behind obscure symbols and words.
I had to try harder to understand this one, here’s my attempt:
Apparently, this is a French word for some African tribe.
That a dangerous mountain has to be climbed to pray to a dark god, reminds me of the rituals and human sacrifices of the ancient religions of the native peoples.
From here, I understood what all of this was about: the Era of the French Colonial Empire.
Another word related to an African tribe colonized by the French.
This means the ruler of everything, the king of the empire.
Yet another African word that means “Agricultural People of Africa”, this is the way to reveal Ellie’s past: just an innocent citizen.
Ruler of Life, and later Ruler of Death…
It’s a fancy way of saying that all the people and land that worshiped him is now destroyed, by none other than the people in the air fleet.
Both he and Ellie seek revenge, because Ellie had faith in him, she was the priestess of this god’s temple.
It’s curious that The Nameless One talks to Ellie before she even enters the temple.
He talked to her while she was having a hard time climbing the mountain.
That makes me think… Is this the way to say that he already know her?.
Or maybe… there is no god? it was just Ellie all along?
“But what she heard, she already knew”
It doesn’t matter, it’s clear that Ellie’s wishes and the dark god’s wishes are the same.
The captain of the ship, the butcher captain.
Is told that Ellie “was extracted from nothingness” and was protected by Syna.
The reader must ask: why?
There is a strong possibility that Syna is responsible for that “nothingness”.
It is evident that her air fleet is connected to the war, and Ellie is nothing more than a war prisoner, an slave.
“Followed Syna through a thousand battles”
“You know exactly WHO and WHAT is grinded into dust”
“if it weren’t for your sewing skills”
Is clear that “butcher” means MURDERER.
The story constantly suggests that the relationship between Syna and Ellie is not consensual.
Ellie is scared, she doesn’t want to climb the mountain, she doesn’t love Syna enough to do it.
She really forced herself to “do her part”, but she couldn’t do it, she couldn’t forgive.
What Ellie really wants is revenge for what Syna did to her home and family.
That’s why the bride becomes the priestess of death, I think Syna is her only target.
“Strike to the Hearth”
Azurium is a word derived from Azurite, a blue rare-earth that is primarily used for pigments.
Did you choose this color because it was the color that the french army used in the colonial era?
In this VN the Azurium is an important and expensive rare “substance” for the sails and clothing of the army.
Again, it is well known that Europe is scarce in materials, and gets most of it from foreign countries. Nambia (an African country) apparently has loots of Azurite.
This was one of the main reasons (perhaps the only one) that caused the European Colonial Era, a time deeply plagued by wars.
Why would Ellie eat the Azurium?:
I don’t know, but it worked, it forced the captain to take her prisoner. Now she’s near the source of all her misery and soon will avenge all that has been lost.
Airborne ships is just a way to blur the true nature of this story, we need to pay attention.
“Corvett”: I interpret it to be an old French word that is no longer used and means “warship”.
“Sail”: I interpret a boat propelled by the wind.
“His Grace”: I interpret it to be of European origin and was commonly used to refer to a Queen or King, here the era of the monarch is established.
“Sextants”: I interpret it to be a really old artifact from ancient centuries.
An old warship propelled by sails with a tribute to the monarchy, reminds me once again, of the European colonial era.
Thanks for sharing this under a libre license!
Obviusly this VN is between the limitations of a game jam, and you did very well on that regard.
I hope my review reflects this limitations, I tried not to be too strict this time.
Overall, Sylvan Disappearance keeps being your best work.
Looking forward for more VNs, you’re very good!
Hope this helps! ❤️
Thank you (once again) for reading & commenting!
I can’t believe you read & commented on my 3 released VNs back to back ahaha, this is really appreciated!!
I’m glad you enjoyed the story & had fun deciphering it! It was also fun reading through your interpretation of the story and its themes!
I’ll only comment on the factual cultural inspirations behind On Mount Ségou, just in case you’re interested! (I would have loved to include in-game ending notes about them as I usually do, but for this specific game jam, it was not allowed, or it had to count towards the 1000 words limit).
The Mogho Naaba is specifically the traditional king of the Mossi Kingdoms, which are now in modern-day Burkina Faso, the Mossi still being the main people of Burkina Faso. There are still living Mogho Naaba (with obviously no major political power in this day and age), for instance in Ouahigouya in Yatenga, but also in the capital, Ouagadougou.
Ségou is a real town in modern-day Mali, but this is pure coincidence. In my case, the real inspiration behind Mount Ségou were rather the Sindou Peaks, way in the Southwest of Burkina Faso (which isn’t really a Mossi region).
You’re 100% right about all the underlying themes behind azurium; the idea & name come from The secret of Cerulean Sand anime series where it plays essentially the same role (an ore extracted by (neo?)-colonial forces to allow flying for their armed forces and society).
Nice writing and use of alignment/font color in NVL mode, as way as the title menu.
At the end I thought I’d have a choice but I guess it’s not that kind of story (or it would be too hard to explain the aftermath of 2 branches in 45 words).
The Next cursor is a document icon, and besides it is when window frame is large enough, so it looked like the image had not finished loading and it was some kind of placeholder (esp. when playing the web version)
Thanks for playing!! Glad you enjoyed the general presentation.
I really wanted it to be a kinetic novel (choiceless) from the start!
The early early plan was even more linear, since I wanted to have a more dialogue-driven story between Ellie and the Nameless One during the ascent on Mount Ségou, with a not-so-clear resolution (as in the true ending)…
but I realised I really really enjoyed the fairy-tale-like framing, that it came more naturally to me, and allowed me to pack in more style, more tone, more atmosphere. So I settled with a normal storytelling first, and then the “true” retelling! I really enjoy this kind of enforced reading order, and couldn’t really envision more choice than this!
(I think I may have considered turning the “true story” retelling into a choice that appears only the second read at the pivotal moment; but I feared people would miss the second read if the main menu didn’t change. I also found it more fitting to have to choose from the start whether you wanted to hear the truth or not. It’s less Ellie’s choice & more the player’s.)
I didn’t realise the document click-to-continue indicator could have been confusing, woops!
It’s completely lifted from the style of 2000s Japanese VNs made with the ONScripter engine, like Higurashi, Tsukihime (example screenshot) or Umineko (example screenshot), which I really love and wanted to emulate given how minimalist this VN is too!
OK, that makes sense. Now that the comment is a bit lower I fear spoiling less:
Actually I was wondering if I was supposed to kill Syna or Her Grace. The mention of the “heart” suggests she must betray someone close, so Syna, but it seems a bigger deal to approach and kill the country’s leader than one of the generals. The former is more dramatic though so it would make sense in terms of storytelling.
I was also unsure if fuel is made out of bodies of ancients priestesses (suggested by “butcher”), because in this case why would Ellie just have “ingested” a little bit of sand and not more? Or can any human just become a good fuel? Looking at FF7 and Tales of games I wouldn’t be surprised that a source of energy comes from life forms but I’m not sure about the link. But I see how making it more explicit would break the atmosphere (it works for a more pragmatic game like Tales of Symphonia where you explore factories and all).
For the document icon, I see how it looks integrated esp. in Tsukihime where it has the same color and style as the text font. Here it stood out more and I know Renpy sometimes uses placeholder or blurry pictures in web so it made me doubt more, I suppose.
I see, thanks for elaborating on the icon, I’ll keep it in mind if I reuse a similar style in the future!
I’ve definitely been wondering whether I was still missing an image at least once or twice when playing a Ren’Py VN online on itch.io too, so I see where you’re coming from! I tend to disable “progressive downloading” on my own Ren’Py web exports for this reason, I prefer all assets to be 100% loaded when the game starts.
You can definitely think of several possibilities for the Nameless One’s command!
As in a lot of places in this story, I leave it all in the hands of your imagination, I hope the style and atmosphere convey just enough otherworldly violence by themselves for you to picture it (though I have my own preferences).
And likewise (even more so) for azurium ahah, I wouldn’t want to make it any more grounded than I did… but I’m glad it struck you, or at least evoked similarly gruesome fantasy/JRPG dark secrets!
wonderful. the way its written.. i really enjoy reading it. i just hammed myself into playing it not knowing whats going on. but the second playthrough made me more curious 🙏😳 the bgm, i really enjoyed with the texts too! absolutely an enjoyable experience
(for me)Thank youu for commenting!
I’m glad it was enjoyable and that the music and the second read all made their effect hehe! 🤗
Ooh, this one is VERY intriguing! I love how what initially feels like a small, personal episode unfolds into a big high-stakes situation. Your blank-verse writing style is very finely crafted. And it feels rather unique, in a good way, to take an airship setting and then give us a story that's not actually on an airship. Overall, this one is going to stick with me.
Thank you so much, this is so kind of you!
I’m glad that the setting was intriguing, and that the writing style worked well also!
Said as much in another comment, but the mix between personal story/agency, and broader stakes at another scale is (again) all Le Guin… She was so so good at pulling from both sci-fi & fairy tales, bird’s eye anthropologist view & personal stories.
Thanks again so much!
Wow, this was an amazing entry!! Finally a worthy opponent to what game will
I loved how you used the music and the sounds to actually support the story! Honestly, this is very interesting narrative design and I haven't played any other game relying that much on sound design, and you did it wonderfully, especially considering the restrictions of the jam! The game was also stunning in terms of visuals, and the NVL format was an excellent choice!
The story was also great, very atmospheric, and the conflict of the character we follow was an interesting one. In the end, it had a flavour of prophecy I sincerely enjoyed.
Overall, I was stunned by this game which was nothing short of a MASTERPIECE. My review doesn't really do justice to how much I actually enjoyed this game, you truly did an amazing work with it! You clearly got yourself un admirateur !
Aaaaah, this is far, far too much and way too kind, reading this will just make me faint,,
But thank you so so much! I’m glad you enjoyed this VN as much!
I’m glad the music, NVL format and atmosphere worked well! Audio is definitely my personal favourite part of visual novels, it was fun to be able to use it effectively in a short piece like this!
Also happy to hear the tone of the story itself was good itself, wasn’t super sure it’d be super pleasant to reaed ahaha (it’s all very Le Guin themes, I just amped up the horror/mysticism).
Thank you so much again, it just means a lot to hear a short piece like this could be so affecting!
this was soo good i loved how atmospheric it was and the music was so pretty great game :3
Thank you very much!
I’m really glad the music and atmosphere worked well, I’d been meaning to use that specific music piece for so long in a story!
This was a really atmospheric read! I'm impressed you could cram so much into 1,000 word:s: it felt very dense and rich. There's some very nice language used too!
I love the retro NVL style used (the ctc icon gives big Onscripter/Higurashi & Umineko energy), and the general presentation. The panning effects on the BG and the fog make it very atmospheric. I thought it was especially impressive when you panned the BG on top of itself at multiple transparencies: the effect was very cool.
Nice use of text effects too (changing the color + the position of the text onscreen for more ~drama~), and the single BGM is very evocative!
The second playthrough was also an interesting experience. I didn't read the description so I didn't expect it; it was a nice twist!
Aaah, thank you so so much, this means a lot!!
I’m glad the atmosphere was effective and that the NVL typographic effects worked well! (And yes, the obvious Higurashi/Umineko/ONScripter inspo in presentation & tricks ahah, Ryukishi07 has a handle on me forever…)
I’ve loved that BGM by Efiel for so long too (2012-2013 maybe), I’m so glad I was able to finally use it in a project where it suited everything!
A really evocative experience! The story was presented very effectively. A wonderful entry ✨
Thank you so much, glad it was effective!