On Mount Ségou
Synopsis
There was a long-held belief,
In the Azurium Air Fleet
of the Mogho Naaba.
It was said...
That good fortune would come to a newly-wed captain,
If she took her bride far, far below the cloud layers,
To offer a heartfelt prayer,
To the Nameless One, on Mount Ségou.
About the story
This a very short dark fantasy/fairy-tale horror visual novel.
It contains two endings to be read in an enforced order.
Please note that it contains light sexual allusions and some atmospheric horror.
This story is a highly derivative, highly concentrated dose of my usual and current obsessions, including:
- Daphne du Maurier's Monte Verità and Peter Weir's Picnic at Hanging Rock (yet again...);
- Ursula Le Guin's work. Both The Wind's Twelve Quarters short story collection, mostly for “Vaster than Empires and More Slow”, and the concept of the Nameless Ones (dark, ambivalent deities from the world of Earthsea, that humans shouldn't concern themselves with), especially in the ending of Tombs of Atuan;
- The Shinsekai Yori anime series, mostly for the encounter and revelations in Episode 4 (“Bloodstained History”).
- Burkina Faso generally, through a few oblique references in the setting;
- The Secret of Cerulean Sand anime series for the fictional azurium ore, allowing ships to fly.
This is an O2A2 2023 entry
This visual novel was created for the 2023 “Only One of Any Asset” (O2A2) game jam, which has strict asset limitations.
It contains 1 sound effect, 1 music track, 1 photographic background, 0 sprites, and 955 words of writing.
Due to the music track I used, this VN is licensed under Creative Commons BY-NC-SA 4.0:
You can freely distribute, remix and reuse this VN and its script for your own non-commercial projects, but you'll have to reuse the same Creative Commons license in turn.
Credits
Many thanks to the following artists for making their work available for reuse! As always, I wouldn't be able to create much without their generosity:
- Countryside is a fantastic track by Efiel, from their 2009 album Jimy the Whale. I heard the track on Jamendo ages and ages ago, and it was hugely inspirational at the time; I've always wanted to reuse it in a project where it'd fit. Since it is licensed under Creative Commons BY-NC-SA 2.0, I've had to reuse the same license for the entire project too.
- The background picture of the story is based on this photograph by Christian Costeaux, licensed under Creative Commons BY 2.0. The location depicted are the very real Sindou Peaks, in the Cascades region of Burkina Faso, that I last saw in 2017 only.
- The sound of howling wind was clipped by egomassive from a larger recording by DBlover. Both are licensed under the Creative Commons 0 License (public domain).
- Basteleur is a font designed by Keussel Studio available under the SIL Open Font License.
- Rosarivo is a font by Pablo Ugerman also available under the SIL Open Font License.
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Comments
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Full and detailed review of the VN!
+ summary and analysis
SPOILERS BELOW THIS LINE
VN Score: 137.5/150
Applies to version 1.0 [2023/07/29].
Score Breakdown:
『Visuals』 - 15/20
Images, videos, backgrounds, characters, drawings, animations, etc.
『GUI』 - 17.5/20
Graphic user interface of the VN.
『Sound』 - 20/20
Music and sound effects; quality and sound design.
『Story』 - 20/20
Spelling, grammar and syntax’s correctness, also, narrative flow and consistency.
『Setting』 - 20/20
Originality, ideas and worldbuilding in VN.
『Gameplay』 - 20/20
About interactivity, e.g: kinetic, with choices, or higher.
『Programming』 - 15/20
Builds released, correct VN execution, bugs, crashes, etc.
『Promotion』 - 20/20
About the thumbnail, title, game page, metadata, tags, description, screenshots, etc.
『Personal Opinion』 - 10/10
Is fun/cute/interesting/scary/etc? Did I like it? (subjective)
It was an interesting story.
I had fun deciphering this one.
An airborne ship reaches a mountain.
Two girls get off, a captain and a bride, and begin the ascent to the ancient temple in the mountain.
They will pray for good fortune, but the Captain is greedy and feels nothing else.
That’s why the prayer didn’t work, something went wrong.
The Captain doesn’t know what happened, but for the bride everything was clear.
The dark god did not listen, and he has spoken. Revenge is what the two of them seek.
Will the priestess respond to his call? Or will she live with the remorse of having betrayed all his beliefs, his people, and his land?
This is a VN where the big story is hidden in the small details.
A story so short and so deep that most of its meaning is behind obscure symbols and words.
I had to try harder to understand this one, here’s my attempt:
Apparently, this is a French word for some African tribe.
That a dangerous mountain has to be climbed to pray to a dark god, reminds me of the rituals and human sacrifices of the ancient religions of the native peoples.
From here, I understood what all of this was about: the Era of the French Colonial Empire.
Another word related to an African tribe colonized by the French.
This means the ruler of everything, the king of the empire.
Yet another African word that means “Agricultural People of Africa”, this is the way to reveal Ellie’s past: just an innocent citizen.
Ruler of Life, and later Ruler of Death…
It’s a fancy way of saying that all the people and land that worshiped him is now destroyed, by none other than the people in the air fleet.
Both he and Ellie seek revenge, because Ellie had faith in him, she was the priestess of this god’s temple.
It’s curious that The Nameless One talks to Ellie before she even enters the temple.
He talked to her while she was having a hard time climbing the mountain.
That makes me think… Is this the way to say that he already know her?.
Or maybe… there is no god? it was just Ellie all along?
“But what she heard, she already knew”
It doesn’t matter, it’s clear that Ellie’s wishes and the dark god’s wishes are the same.
The captain of the ship, the butcher captain.
Is told that Ellie “was extracted from nothingness” and was protected by Syna.
The reader must ask: why?
There is a strong possibility that Syna is responsible for that “nothingness”.
It is evident that her air fleet is connected to the war, and Ellie is nothing more than a war prisoner, an slave.
“Followed Syna through a thousand battles”
“You know exactly WHO and WHAT is grinded into dust”
“if it weren’t for your sewing skills”
Is clear that “butcher” means MURDERER.
The story constantly suggests that the relationship between Syna and Ellie is not consensual.
Ellie is scared, she doesn’t want to climb the mountain, she doesn’t love Syna enough to do it.
She really forced herself to “do her part”, but she couldn’t do it, she couldn’t forgive.
What Ellie really wants is revenge for what Syna did to her home and family.
That’s why the bride becomes the priestess of death, I think Syna is her only target.
“Strike to the Hearth”
Azurium is a word derived from Azurite, a blue rare-earth that is primarily used for pigments.
Did you choose this color because it was the color that the french army used in the colonial era?
In this VN the Azurium is an important and expensive rare “substance” for the sails and clothing of the army.
Again, it is well known that Europe is scarce in materials, and gets most of it from foreign countries. Nambia (an African country) apparently has loots of Azurite.
This was one of the main reasons (perhaps the only one) that caused the European Colonial Era, a time deeply plagued by wars.
Why would Ellie eat the Azurium?:
I don’t know, but it worked, it forced the captain to take her prisoner. Now she’s near the source of all her misery and soon will avenge all that has been lost.
Airborne ships is just a way to blur the true nature of this story, we need to pay attention.
“Corvett”: I interpret it to be an old French word that is no longer used and means “warship”.
“Sail”: I interpret a boat propelled by the wind.
“His Grace”: I interpret it to be of European origin and was commonly used to refer to a Queen or King, here the era of the monarch is established.
“Sextants”: I interpret it to be a really old artifact from ancient centuries.
An old warship propelled by sails with a tribute to the monarchy, reminds me once again, of the European colonial era.
Thanks for sharing this under a libre license!
Obviusly this VN is between the limitations of a game jam, and you did very well on that regard.
I hope my review reflects this limitations, I tried not to be too strict this time.
Overall, Sylvan Disappearance keeps being your best work.
Looking forward for more VNs, you’re very good!
Hope this helps! ❤️
Thank you (once again) for reading & commenting!
I can’t believe you read & commented on my 3 released VNs back to back ahaha, this is really appreciated!!
I’m glad you enjoyed the story & had fun deciphering it! It was also fun reading through your interpretation of the story and its themes!
I’ll only comment on the factual cultural inspirations behind On Mount Ségou, just in case you’re interested! (I would have loved to include in-game ending notes about them as I usually do, but for this specific game jam, it was not allowed, or it had to count towards the 1000 words limit).
The Mogho Naaba is specifically the traditional king of the Mossi Kingdoms, which are now in modern-day Burkina Faso, the Mossi still being the main people of Burkina Faso. There are still living Mogho Naaba (with obviously no major political power in this day and age), for instance in Ouahigouya in Yatenga, but also in the capital, Ouagadougou.
Ségou is a real town in modern-day Mali, but this is pure coincidence. In my case, the real inspiration behind Mount Ségou were rather the Sindou Peaks, way in the Southwest of Burkina Faso (which isn’t really a Mossi region).
You’re 100% right about all the underlying themes behind azurium; the idea & name come from The secret of Cerulean Sand anime series where it plays essentially the same role (an ore extracted by (neo?)-colonial forces to allow flying for their armed forces and society).
Nice writing and use of alignment/font color in NVL mode, as way as the title menu.
At the end I thought I’d have a choice but I guess it’s not that kind of story (or it would be too hard to explain the aftermath of 2 branches in 45 words).
The Next cursor is a document icon, and besides it is when window frame is large enough, so it looked like the image had not finished loading and it was some kind of placeholder (esp. when playing the web version)
Thanks for playing!! Glad you enjoyed the general presentation.
I really wanted it to be a kinetic novel (choiceless) from the start!
The early early plan was even more linear, since I wanted to have a more dialogue-driven story between Ellie and the Nameless One during the ascent on Mount Ségou, with a not-so-clear resolution (as in the true ending)…
but I realised I really really enjoyed the fairy-tale-like framing, that it came more naturally to me, and allowed me to pack in more style, more tone, more atmosphere. So I settled with a normal storytelling first, and then the “true” retelling! I really enjoy this kind of enforced reading order, and couldn’t really envision more choice than this!
(I think I may have considered turning the “true story” retelling into a choice that appears only the second read at the pivotal moment; but I feared people would miss the second read if the main menu didn’t change. I also found it more fitting to have to choose from the start whether you wanted to hear the truth or not. It’s less Ellie’s choice & more the player’s.)
I didn’t realise the document click-to-continue indicator could have been confusing, woops!
It’s completely lifted from the style of 2000s Japanese VNs made with the ONScripter engine, like Higurashi, Tsukihime (example screenshot) or Umineko (example screenshot), which I really love and wanted to emulate given how minimalist this VN is too!
OK, that makes sense. Now that the comment is a bit lower I fear spoiling less:
Actually I was wondering if I was supposed to kill Syna or Her Grace. The mention of the “heart” suggests she must betray someone close, so Syna, but it seems a bigger deal to approach and kill the country’s leader than one of the generals. The former is more dramatic though so it would make sense in terms of storytelling.
I was also unsure if fuel is made out of bodies of ancients priestesses (suggested by “butcher”), because in this case why would Ellie just have “ingested” a little bit of sand and not more? Or can any human just become a good fuel? Looking at FF7 and Tales of games I wouldn’t be surprised that a source of energy comes from life forms but I’m not sure about the link. But I see how making it more explicit would break the atmosphere (it works for a more pragmatic game like Tales of Symphonia where you explore factories and all).
For the document icon, I see how it looks integrated esp. in Tsukihime where it has the same color and style as the text font. Here it stood out more and I know Renpy sometimes uses placeholder or blurry pictures in web so it made me doubt more, I suppose.
I see, thanks for elaborating on the icon, I’ll keep it in mind if I reuse a similar style in the future!
I’ve definitely been wondering whether I was still missing an image at least once or twice when playing a Ren’Py VN online on itch.io too, so I see where you’re coming from! I tend to disable “progressive downloading” on my own Ren’Py web exports for this reason, I prefer all assets to be 100% loaded when the game starts.
You can definitely think of several possibilities for the Nameless One’s command!
As in a lot of places in this story, I leave it all in the hands of your imagination, I hope the style and atmosphere convey just enough otherworldly violence by themselves for you to picture it (though I have my own preferences).
And likewise (even more so) for azurium ahah, I wouldn’t want to make it any more grounded than I did… but I’m glad it struck you, or at least evoked similarly gruesome fantasy/JRPG dark secrets!
wonderful. the way its written.. i really enjoy reading it. i just hammed myself into playing it not knowing whats going on. but the second playthrough made me more curious 🙏😳 the bgm, i really enjoyed with the texts too! absolutely an enjoyable experience
(for me)Thank youu for commenting!
I’m glad it was enjoyable and that the music and the second read all made their effect hehe! 🤗
Ooh, this one is VERY intriguing! I love how what initially feels like a small, personal episode unfolds into a big high-stakes situation. Your blank-verse writing style is very finely crafted. And it feels rather unique, in a good way, to take an airship setting and then give us a story that's not actually on an airship. Overall, this one is going to stick with me.
Thank you so much, this is so kind of you!
I’m glad that the setting was intriguing, and that the writing style worked well also!
Said as much in another comment, but the mix between personal story/agency, and broader stakes at another scale is (again) all Le Guin… She was so so good at pulling from both sci-fi & fairy tales, bird’s eye anthropologist view & personal stories.
Thanks again so much!
Wow, this was an amazing entry!! Finally a worthy opponent to what game will
I loved how you used the music and the sounds to actually support the story! Honestly, this is very interesting narrative design and I haven't played any other game relying that much on sound design, and you did it wonderfully, especially considering the restrictions of the jam! The game was also stunning in terms of visuals, and the NVL format was an excellent choice!
The story was also great, very atmospheric, and the conflict of the character we follow was an interesting one. In the end, it had a flavour of prophecy I sincerely enjoyed.
Overall, I was stunned by this game which was nothing short of a MASTERPIECE. My review doesn't really do justice to how much I actually enjoyed this game, you truly did an amazing work with it! You clearly got yourself un admirateur !
Aaaaah, this is far, far too much and way too kind, reading this will just make me faint,,
But thank you so so much! I’m glad you enjoyed this VN as much!
I’m glad the music, NVL format and atmosphere worked well! Audio is definitely my personal favourite part of visual novels, it was fun to be able to use it effectively in a short piece like this!
Also happy to hear the tone of the story itself was good itself, wasn’t super sure it’d be super pleasant to reaed ahaha (it’s all very Le Guin themes, I just amped up the horror/mysticism).
Thank you so much again, it just means a lot to hear a short piece like this could be so affecting!
this was soo good i loved how atmospheric it was and the music was so pretty great game :3
Thank you very much!
I’m really glad the music and atmosphere worked well, I’d been meaning to use that specific music piece for so long in a story!
This was a really atmospheric read! I'm impressed you could cram so much into 1,000 word:s: it felt very dense and rich. There's some very nice language used too!
I love the retro NVL style used (the ctc icon gives big Onscripter/Higurashi & Umineko energy), and the general presentation. The panning effects on the BG and the fog make it very atmospheric. I thought it was especially impressive when you panned the BG on top of itself at multiple transparencies: the effect was very cool.
Nice use of text effects too (changing the color + the position of the text onscreen for more ~drama~), and the single BGM is very evocative!
The second playthrough was also an interesting experience. I didn't read the description so I didn't expect it; it was a nice twist!
Aaah, thank you so so much, this means a lot!!
I’m glad the atmosphere was effective and that the NVL typographic effects worked well! (And yes, the obvious Higurashi/Umineko/ONScripter inspo in presentation & tricks ahah, Ryukishi07 has a handle on me forever…)
I’ve loved that BGM by Efiel for so long too (2012-2013 maybe), I’m so glad I was able to finally use it in a project where it suited everything!
A really evocative experience! The story was presented very effectively. A wonderful entry ✨
Thank you so much, glad it was effective!